PhDs can take as little as three years, but more typically four or five. However, my Journal has just run an advert showing how for a one off payment of £99, you can get a doctorate immediately. I went to the website of the Institute of CardioRetinometry and found that it was just simply a matter of transferring a payment to the shopping basket and, as someone already registered as an optometrist with the GOC, you would be sent the paper doctorate. Well, I will offer any registered optometrist a certificate representing a doctorate in 'human cyclical inspiration skills' for just £98. You just need to be a registerd optometrist and be able to breathe. If this takes off I might consider making multiple doctorates available - just need a long length of paper with regular perforations............